A gardeners wish list

A Gardeners Wish List

"All I want for Christmas is five acres and a John Deere tractor and free gas and lots of volunteer help and five tons of compost and..." ~Carl Wayne

This is the time of year when friends and relatives may be asking you for a wish list for Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, etc. Master Gardeners sometimes are asked, too. Of course we accept all denominations: fives, tens, twenties.

In the unlikely event some gardener, Master or not, does not already have a wish list, this column will provide one for them. It includes the latest scientific breakthroughs, some which have not yet hit the general market.

1. Prebagged tilth. No more mulching and tilling.

2. Concentrated pH. No more worry with lime and sulfur.

3. Hair loom tomato cages made from woven camel's hair.

4. Carbon sinks to replace your porcelain ones.

5. Soaker hoes. Simply fill the handle with water and allow to drip while you are weeding.

6. Free range turnip seeds. No more eating turnips raised in confined rows.

7. Bolts of organic material. Easy to work with. Simply unwind.

8. Canned Parmesan mulch to apply to the top of your lasagna garden.

9. Organic honey scented Mobius pest strips. Instead of eco-harmfulc hemicals, the little buggers will land and walk theyselves to death.

10. Attract a Gardener. These little earrings are mulch scented and look like little flower beds infested with nutgrass. Also included is a list of sweet nothings in Latin.

11. Decorative compost made from Belted Galloway cow manure.

12. Bottled concentrated TLC weed killer consisting of fish emulsion, triple 13, compost tea, bone meal, and seaweed. Scientific reports claim TLC kills more plants than anything else.

While this list will not complete any gardener's wish list, it should be a good start.

Ain't God good!